Behind every behavior is a positive intention

There are some assumptions about human nature - not truths, they tell us. But some principles that - if you act like these statements are true - you will get along better with people and be more effective with them.

These assumptions are called "Presuppositions."

Most of them are easy to say "Of course" to, and that's that. But there are a couple about universal human nature that are hard to get into my DNA.

And what makes it even tougher is, I believe that these Presuppositions are absolutely and universally true! To call them "useful" instead of "true" is for me, a copout. However, just because a principle may be true doesn't make it easy to swallow.

In fact, many of the most important things ever said about human nature got the people who said it crucified, or burned at the stake, or imprisoned. I guess if you start saying nice things about human nature, you're selling in a tough market!

For example, there's a presupposition that we're taught in NLP that goes like this - and you may have heard it differently, so I'll give you several versions:

"People always make the best choice they can, given what they know at that moment."

Here's another version:

"Behind every behavior is a positive intention."

These presuppositions are about humans and about how we all work. That's right, how we ALL work.

That means Nazi and Jews, Israeli and Palestinian. All of us, good guys and the ones causing trouble for the good guys.

Even those in caves in Afghanistan, or the ones killing each other in Iraq.

Every one of them, doing the best they can in the moment, given what they know and believe.

Now, BIG qualification here. It DOESN'T mean that all the bad things people do is okay - far from it.

But what it means - and this is important for you if you want to be able to see people for who they really are - that NO ONE SETS OUT TO BE THE VILLAIN OF THE PLAY! THEY'RE ALL DOING THE BEST THEY CAN AT THE MOMENT.

I think that for many people, life is a lot simpler when people with different values from them are jerks or clowns, and when the people with a different culture or history are just foreigners or terrorists.

Or "gooks." Or "ragheads."

But the difficult thing about a better understanding of human nature is that it's not easy anymore. You have to let go of the comic book lens through which you view the world. The change can take effort, and be a little uncomfortable.

Then a wonderful thing happens when you let people change in front of your eyes, into mothers, fathers, lovers, dreamers, workers, warriors and heroes. Just the way they see themselves.

Just like you.

That's right. Just like you see yourself, even though -- in some part of this planet -- there's a newspaper telling people that you are part of Satan's empire out to destroy their way of life.

So, that presupposition about how everyone is doing the best they can, given what they know at that moment. That applies to me, and to you, and to all of us. And when you apply it, you gain a most fortunate ability.

You get to step out of your conditioning and your fear and your anger, and you begin to see others with the multiple lenses that humans are capable of using. You may even gain some new understanding of others, and most importantly of yourself. And, I think you grow in spirit just a little.

Stretching is actually kind of uncomfortable, but it's the only way there is to increase your reach.